I got them!

So I wasn't sure if I was going to get them since I had moved to Ontario in June...but guess what? My mom just called to tell me... I GOT MY RALPH BUCKS!!!!

How...

Something that has been plaguing me. Something I want to shout, tell, whisper, write, speak - to that one person. The one that has been occupying my thoughts and haunting me every day. How do I tell them that it is ok to take the chance? To step out there beyond anything they've done and take the plunge. To forget the past, forget the obstacles, and believe that if you want it bad enough you can make anything happen. Anything. How do I tell them that it is ok to feel again, to open up? How do I say that there will always be reminders, but somehow, with time, it will be easier to remember and someday you will be able to let go. Remember that it is scary, and you know what? We'll do it together. How do I tell them that they should fight for what they believe in, that we can fight together? How do I tell them that it's ok to be happy?

Mmmmm!

Thanks to Chris for the yummy afternoon snack! The blueberry scones were fabulous and really hit the spot:) Thanks again!

A Crooked Doorway

Well I've been trying to decide all day what to write. And still haven't come up with anything really. Someone told me I had to think of witty things to say - I'm just not feeling all that witty. I was thinking of putting up wonderments but then a friend of mine always finds the answer for - which takes away the the wonderment :) I know that what I have written so far has focused a little more on one particular topic. So here is what I was thinking for this one...

I had someone tell me a little while ago that I find the absurd things in life, have a sort of skewed perception, sort of see things through a slightly crooked doorway. I was thinking about that today…here is what someone else sent me when I told them this story (three guesses who:) – The Apple Manifesto…

Here's to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can't do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent. They imagine. They heal.
They explore. They create. They inspire.
They push the human race forward.
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
We make tools for these kinds of people.
While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
Because the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones that do.

I like this. I like this a lot.

Falling...

Love can break your heart and save your soul and change your life. It is a very hard thing to understand. Love can make you very strong, and somehow so terribly weak. That's what makes it so mysterious. We need it to exist. We do not exist without it. I want to want it, but I’m so scared of how it controls my thoughts and dreams, that I am starting to keep it at an arms length, in a safe place somewhere inside of myself. I want love. I don’t want to "need" it. To want love, not to need love…but I DO need love…I need it to breathe and to be.

It scares me; all of the love out there and the lack there of. All of the love that I pour out onto the floor around me. I am giving love away and hoping it comes back, hoping it finds me. Oh the patience required to wait. It is all so big and I am so small. Counting time and waiting for the days to pass by. Crawling into bed and then being consumed by the thoughts, thinking about the all the time going by. Sleeplessness.

Thinking makes you think more. Wanting makes you want more. Needing makes you need more. I wonder how you think. I want to get in there, inside of you and run around to every room. I want to see what you see. Feel what you feel. I am here to prove you wrong. About love. Somehow, someway, someday. How is it that you can be so far away? Another day is coming to an end. To fall asleep. To fall in love. It's a lot of falling.

Positive Thought for the Day

When you feel that nobody loves you, nobody cares for you, everyone is ignoring you, and people are jealous of you, you should really start asking yourself...AM I TOO SEXY?















Photo: jbrandick

If You're Not The One...

Ok...I cannot seem to get enough of this song. I have the original, as well as one of the remixes. Over and over, I listen to it. So good! There are a few people that will be relieved to know that I have taken a break from the 'theme' song of my life...a song by Paul Brandt - I can feel a couple people cringe at the thought of me saying that outloud and admitting it openly:)

In case you haven't heard it...I'll leave you with the lyrics! It's not as depressing as it seems either ;)

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I’m praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
I know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

A Wish...

Surrounded in a shroud of darkness
The wind blowing through the trees
Calming and reassuring
The rustling of leaves falling
Familiar and welcome
The crisp air kisses my cheeks
As I bundle up a little tighter
Gazing up towards the sky
Thoughts run through my head
I hear an owl in the distance
Hunting for dinner
Coyotes yelp in a field nearby
Calling one another close
The stars, they twinkle
With a knowledge
Of the past, present and future
As though they can see just a little more than me
A shooting star crosses the sky
I close my eyes and make a wish
I wish so hard!
The stars, they know what I wished
They wink at me
As though to say someday you’ll know
Someday you’ll understand
Someday it’ll come true
We can see it

Across the way someone else makes a wish
And the stars respond the same way
Smiling because it was the same wish
At the same time
On the same star
As he gazes up at the night sky
The moon shines down
And he smiles at the thought of someday
Some way
And wonders….

I watch the moon for a time
So steady it sits there in the sky
Lighting the night
I look at it and wonder
Are you looking at it too?
Are we standing here looking at the same moon?
At the same night sky?
At the same time?

Just thought I would share this - something I wrote a little while ago...hope you like! :)

Homechild

Last week I saw a great play called Homechild. Fabulous! Went with two women from work and one of their friends. Had a very good dinner ahead of time (followed by a fantastic dessert!) and then to the play. It is a Canadian story about the children that were sent to Canada from England and Scotland (primarily) and were then used for work. In some cases it was more of an adoption (a good thing!) and in some it was more like slavery. I find it sad that we don't learn about these things in school. Almost 10% of Canada's population can be linked to these kids - don't you think that's important? I do. In case you're interested here is the site for the play: http://www.canstage.com/2005-2006/season/homechild.asp.

And now for something a little different and much more happy...

I'm counting down the days till a friend of mine comes in from Calgary! I can't wait!! We are going to have a great time!!

And then there is the countdown to my roadtrip buddy!! WOOHOO!!! 71 days baby!!!!!

Photo: jbrandick

Remember...

We're under the same sky - I'm always there. Just as you are.







Photo: jbrandick

Infinity

Some thoughts I had recently...

The circle represents infinity. Infinity represents forever. I believe that I can love someone enough for forever. Infinity. One true love in my lifetime. Lasting forever. Call me a fool, a wishful thinker, a dreamer – whatever you like. That is what I firmly believe. There is someone out there for me, and I for them. Meant for one another. Searching for the one and only. Our spark. Our other half. To become one, to form our circle. Our infinity.

The Earth Turned to Bring Us Closer
By Eugenio Montejo - here's a translation from Australian scholar Peter Boyle:

The Earth turned to bring us closer,
it spun on itself and within us,
and finally joined us together in this dream
as written in the Symposium.
Nights passed by, snowfalls and solstices;
time passed in minutes and millennia.
An ox cart that was on its way to Nineveh
arrived in Nebraska.

A rooster was singing some distance from the world,
in one of the thousand pre-lives of our fathers.
The Earth was spinning with its music
carrying us on board;
it didn't stop turning a single moment
as if so much love, so much that's miraculous
was only an adagio written long ago
in the Symposium's score.

I quite like this poem. I remember the first time I read this, thinking to myself that this was an amazing thing. Could this possibly come true? Could the idea of the world turning to bring me together with someone be possible? I now think it is.