Saturday, January 28, 2006
Love can break your heart and save your soul and change your life. It is a very hard thing to understand. Love can make you very strong, and somehow so terribly weak. That's what makes it so mysterious. We need it to exist. We do not exist without it. I want to want it, but I’m so scared of how it controls my thoughts and dreams, that I am starting to keep it at an arms length, in a safe place somewhere inside of myself. I want love. I don’t want to "need" it. To want love, not to need love…but I DO need love…I need it to breathe and to be.
It scares me; all of the love out there and the lack there of. All of the love that I pour out onto the floor around me. I am giving love away and hoping it comes back, hoping it finds me. Oh the patience required to wait. It is all so big and I am so small. Counting time and waiting for the days to pass by. Crawling into bed and then being consumed by the thoughts, thinking about the all the time going by. Sleeplessness.
Thinking makes you think more. Wanting makes you want more. Needing makes you need more. I wonder how you think. I want to get in there, inside of you and run around to every room. I want to see what you see. Feel what you feel. I am here to prove you wrong. About love. Somehow, someway, someday. How is it that you can be so far away? Another day is coming to an end. To fall asleep. To fall in love. It's a lot of falling.