Wedding

So I had an absolutely great time at the wedding this weekend! Caught up with a bunch of people that I used to play with in an orchestra on a weekly basis - man, I miss that and them! Also got to hang out with my best friend which rocked! Sometimes all you need is a weekend like this to put some things in perspective. Although there are still some things I need to look at, fix, change...I am moving in the right direction. Friends and family do that. They can't help but - even if they don't know that anything is wrong. They just help by being, by existing.

This is a picture from the wedding...I had to post it because it is so trademark me. Mouth wide open laughing/smiling - so typically me:) I'm not complaining though.

When I was in a wedding about a year and a half ago, the bride got all of the pictures back and that is how I looked. In about 90% of the pictures. Her mom told her she thought it was great - I looked genuinely happy, enjoying myself, and "real". I thought that was really cool! So, I thought I'd share:)

I have a few more pictures to gather up but will let you know when an album is ready!

Photo: sgoodhand

Ponder

There are still a few things that I wonder. A couple of unanswered questions. But overall I am feeling better. I can’t lie – I am sad, quite. But I’m also glad to have my friend back and was happy to hear that almost 2 years of friendship isn’t something we can just throw away. I guess now I’ll just have to see how things go.

Weekend has been great! Fabulous actually. Will post pictures when I have them. Been doing some thinking. Soul searching, some would call it. I’ll see how that all pans out too:)

37 days till Shannon visits!!

Bumpkin

My quote of the day (didn't think I'd ever say this):

Does it look like I come from bumpkin?

Dinner and a play

I had a great night last night. After work I went to dinner and a play with three ladies I work with. I had a great time. Lots of laugh, good food and a very good play called I Am My Own Wife. Very, very good. It was amazing, because it is a one man show, and is an incredibly unique story about a transvestite who lived during WWII. Very interesting - and the actor has to play a ton of characters, different voices and all. Well worth it! The other neat thing is that Charlotte von Mahlsdorf is an actual person who lived this extraordinary life and ran that museum for years as far as I can tell!

Looking very much forward to the weekend! Will have to start giving some thought as to where I see things going - there may be some big changes coming up again...I can do it!

A fool?

You know what? I’m having one of those nights. I don’t really know what to write. I don’t really know what to say. Actually, that’s a lie. There is a lot I would like to write about, a lot I would like to say about one particular subject. For that I apologize. I will hopefully someday be able to forget this. I would love to ask for advice from all of you. Get your opinion, get your help. I feel like I’m stuck. I feel like I’ve been discarded. I can’t seem to fight my way out because my feelings have me cornered. I don’t get it. People tell me I’m strong, that I’m independent, that I can do anything I put my mind to. But you know what? I feel like I’m five. Looking for my favorite stuffed animal to protect me from everything that is worrying me and confusing me, everything that my mom and dad can’t scare out of my closet.

I have to do this on my own and I can’t seem to. I can’t figure it out. I really did think that we were adults, that honesty was the best thing, that we had to be upfront with each other and had been so far. I know I was. Why haven’t you been able to? Why can’t I get an answer out of you, let alone any answer? I want you to hear this:

I am a good and kind person. I am a person that cares for those around me and will gladly put those I love ahead of me. I will do anything for those I love. You are the most competitive, guarded, stubborn, and challenging person that I have ever met. And I love you. What the hell’s the matter with you that you won’t just let me? I know I may not be the most successful or driven person you’ve ever met. And I know I’m not a lot of things that you’ve gone for in the past. But I would never leave you. I would never hurt you. And I will never stop loving you.

Am I a fool?

Clothes...

My subway ride home tonight. Wow. There was an interesting gentleman riding with me. I think his closet threw up on him. Either that or he just closed his eyes and grabbed things randomly from his closet and put them on. Ear flap touque lined with fur (ok...but not fantastic). Wool coat (just fine) with a button down shirt (also fine). Then...track pants (hmmmm....). Now here is the piece de resistance...cowboy boots. WHA??? Now I am by no means fashion savy and know all the do's and don'ts, nor do I generally make these sort of comments outloud. However, I do know this. Not a good combination. Did he look in the mirror and think this was ok? Wow. Definitely something I'll remember. :)

Tired...

Worried about family.

Worried about friends.

Worried about location.

Worried about loss.

Worried about the future.

Worried about where I'll be in 6 months.

Worried about love.

Worried about death.

Worried about so much.

Worried that I can't control it.

I'm so tired.

Last day on earth

The last day on earth. What would you do if you knew that this was your last day on earth? I just finished watching a fantastic episode of Grey's Anatomy. I don't know if you watch it, but I quite like it. At the end of it, it posed this question. I know that there are a ton of different shows, people and books that ask this but for some reason it hit home tonight. Given my current situation that would make for a very hard decision. Where do I go? Who do I see? How would I get there? The obvious answer is go to my family. That would be my first choice, but if, in some horrible circumstance I couldn't go home, where would I go? Who would I want to spend my last hours with?

Voids...

How do you fill a void? How do you replace someone that you talked to everyday for a year and a half? How do you fill this hole that is so deep that it's impossible to imagine anything else being able to fill it?

“A minute to find, an hour to appreciate, a day to love, a second to lose, a lifetime to forget.”

How?

Snow Pictures...

Snow pics have been posted if you would like to see:)

Spaghetti-oke!

$2 cover.

All you can eat spaghetti.

Karaoke.

Equals...

Spaghetti-oke! Woo hoo! It was fun!

Need I say more?

Eight months!

I’m sitting here tonight pondering my life and the last 8 months I’ve had. I have officially been in Toronto now for 8 months. Wow…time has flown by! Sometimes it’s almost surreal to think that I did it. I decided I wanted to, put my mind to it and now I’m here. It took awhile from the initial want to the actual move but it just goes to show that if you want something, regardless of the obstacles, you can do it! I know that 8 months isn’t as ‘big’ a milestone as a year but I’ve been thinking about it lately – so here it is!

The last 8 months have been busy. I have moved twice, and I’m thinking of moving again. My first landlady was literally crazy, calling the police twice reporting that I was first - being attacked and second - dead. Wow. That was the Wednesday night and Thursday morning before the Canada Day long weekend. The following Wednesday I had found a new place and moved. At that point I had only been in TO for about 3 weeks. WELCOME TO TORONTO! one of the officers said to me while smiling.

I have made new friends and had a lot of good times. From weekends away to Collingwood, Rochester and Niagara Falls, tennis tournaments, watching Goonies on an outdoor movie screen in High Park (NEVER SAY DIE!), many concerts, and the Goth Ball. My friends here are fabulous – there is nothing I can complain about when it comes to them. They have been there for me when I needed a distraction from missing home and there are already so many memories!

My family and friends at home have also been rocks for me. I’ve made many calls home wondering if I made the right decision, scared of being so alone and just needing to fill my time. I have leaned hard, a little too hard at times perhaps, but they have been there for me and for that I will be eternally grateful. I love you all!

So I moved to Toronto for an internship which later formed into a permanent full time position, fell in love, am now trying to stand up from that fall, have had friends from home visit, made hundreds of memories already - from puzzles and fizz to walking into poles and falling at St. Andrew station during the morning rush, and made the biggest change I think I’ve ever made - definitely bigger than when I moved away for school. There are a couple things I would change but for the most part I’m happy with all my decisions. It’s been scary. It’s been lonely. But I’m a stronger and more independent person for it. I know I can do it now, and I could do it again if a new opportunity arose.

Another conversation...

Person 1: “I can’t believe you’re going to put that in the microwave. Now the whole floor will smell like fish.”

Person 2: “No it won’t. It’s Halibut. Halibut doesn’t smell like fish.”


Now I ask you truly…what does Halibut smell like then?

Gotta love walking into a conversation...

Well this morning after finding out that my subway route was shut down because of toxic fumes in the tunnels I had to find a new route. There were shuttle buses running from my station but after listening to the news and finding out that those shuttles were filled to the brim I opted to avoid those. So I hopped on the bus and headed to the other subway line. No problems there. Phew! However I walked into the train and into a very strange conversation. I'm not sure what they were talking about, but there were many references to "dead things". Now the strangest thing one said was "I don't know what made it dead, but it was beautiful to look at." OK. Weird. Seriously. It's not even 8 in the morning and I have this to contemplate. What??? "I don't know what made it dead, but it was beautiful to look at"?? This has got to be the weirdest thing I've ever heard!

Quick Update

Hey there everyone! Just wanted to let you know a couple things...I have added a photo gallery on the right and with that the rest of the bowling pictures are there! Take a look and let me know what you think...I'll add the collections of pictures there when they are applicable! Snow pictures will be coming soon...

Somewhere near Collingwood

Had a great weekend away! Went for one night with my friends Michelle and Jesse to a town near Collingwood. Now – I’m not from here so I can’t remember the name of the town, but I do know that it’s near there:)

Went up yesterday morning to Michelle’s grandparents. A great getaway. Far enough to be away from home and the busyness of the city but close enough so that I could go for one night. YAY!! We played games, watched a movie, watched the hockey game and did a lot of visiting! A needed escape.

Woke up this morning to a winter wonderland! WOW!! We got about a foot of snow. It was wild! Zero snow to this. We weren’t sure if we would be able to make it out. All the snow and wind made the driveway a challenge that had to be overcome – a lot of shoveling and the dealing with the snowplow refilling in the driveway. We made it home safely though by driving slowly and making the needed/prerequisite stop at Timmy’s. We did pass a couple rollovers and counted ourselves lucky that Jesse took his time!

The snow is awesome though. It always amazes me how beautiful it is…this white blanket that makes the world seem fresh and new, crisp and clean. I love snow. I really do! It truly does make me happy.

I will have pictures to come shortly!

Bowling

I’m not sure what happened but this post didn’t work properly on Friday – so here it is again…hopefully it works this time:

Well I got home from bowling a little while ago and I had a ton of fun! There were 8 of us from work and it was a blast. A little friendly competition – thank goodness I broke 100 in all three games!

For the third and final round we decided to make things a little more interesting. Our two teams went head to head, with the four totals from each team being added together, with a winner then announced. There was a slight delay when both of our ball return things broke down, so the tension built and the pressure was on. I won’t go into who won and who lost. Or who has to bring the muffins next week, because we all know that isn’t really all that important. The most important thing is that we had fun…right?!? ;)

Playing it safe!

And just to save myself some grief - I bought my coffee at Starbucks and have yet to have an incident this morning!

Coffee time

Ok. The craziest thing happened at work. First of all – I am SO happy that I am the only one that was there. I was alone in the kitchen – thank heavens! Secondly, why do these things happen to me??

This morning I was getting a cup of coffee. I filled my cup, and then reached up to get the sugar. Much to my dismay, clumsiness, and shock I somehow jiggled something, and down came the packages of sugar. Not one, not two…MANY! They fell on the floor, in the sink and in my full cup of coffee. What a mess! Sugar packets floating and slowing drowning in my hot coffee. Thankfully the coffee did not end up on me. I couldn’t help but laugh but really – are you kidding me?

Grrrr!

I spent FAR too much time today fighting with the photocopier! ARG! No fun! It would copy a page and jam, copy a page, jam, copy a page, jam...drove me nuts!!! However I did receive a rather amusing comic from a friend of mine. Made me laugh:) One piece of good news...I may have some pictures to post if they turn out - dropped them off to get developed tonight!