Monday, February 20, 2006
You know what? I’m having one of those nights. I don’t really know what to write. I don’t really know what to say. Actually, that’s a lie. There is a lot I would like to write about, a lot I would like to say about one particular subject. For that I apologize. I will hopefully someday be able to forget this. I would love to ask for advice from all of you. Get your opinion, get your help. I feel like I’m stuck. I feel like I’ve been discarded. I can’t seem to fight my way out because my feelings have me cornered. I don’t get it. People tell me I’m strong, that I’m independent, that I can do anything I put my mind to. But you know what? I feel like I’m five. Looking for my favorite stuffed animal to protect me from everything that is worrying me and confusing me, everything that my mom and dad can’t scare out of my closet.
I have to do this on my own and I can’t seem to. I can’t figure it out. I really did think that we were adults, that honesty was the best thing, that we had to be upfront with each other and had been so far. I know I was. Why haven’t you been able to? Why can’t I get an answer out of you, let alone any answer? I want you to hear this:
I am a good and kind person. I am a person that cares for those around me and will gladly put those I love ahead of me. I will do anything for those I love. You are the most competitive, guarded, stubborn, and challenging person that I have ever met. And I love you. What the hell’s the matter with you that you won’t just let me? I know I may not be the most successful or driven person you’ve ever met. And I know I’m not a lot of things that you’ve gone for in the past. But I would never leave you. I would never hurt you. And I will never stop loving you.
Am I a fool?